1099, Godfrey of Bouillon, leader of the first crusade is named Defender of the Holy Sepulchre in Jerusalem. He apparently preferred the term princep, as the original title was to be 'King of Jerusalem', a name he thought was a little too...what's the word, sacrilegious. Unfortunately for him he only held this position for around a year, before succumbing to either arrow, poisoned water, poisoned apple, or regular run of the mill death at 30.
1298. Battle of Falkirk, King Edward I uses longbowmen to stone kill the Scottish Rebellion of William Wallace, star of Braveheart. In effect Wallace showed up with a bunch of surly guys with pikes, and Edward showed up with organized guys, archers and cavalry. So roughly at the moment sharpened sticks fell from the heavens on the heads of the Scots it was all over.
1812, Arthur Wellesley, who will become in no time flat the Duke of Wellington, defeats Auguste Marmont, French General in Spain at the battle of Salamanca. Of course it's fair to add that Marmont and his second were struck by shrapnel from artillery bombardments within minutes of the fight beginning, so you know, there was that part.
1812, Arthur Wellesley, who will become in no time flat the Duke of Wellington, defeats Auguste Marmont, French General in Spain at the battle of Salamanca. Of course it's fair to add that Marmont and his second were struck by shrapnel from artillery bombardments within minutes of the fight beginning, so you know, there was that part.
1864. In the United States, or rather what was left of it, William Tecumseh Sherman was busily marching his way towards Atlanta, rather unopposed as the only army between him and the city was under a General Joseph Johnston. Johnston would always pack up and retreat the minute he saw Sherman coming, and was thus becoming unpopular with the higher ups, so it was requested that perhaps General John Bell Hood should go and thrash Sherman. Mind you that this is the end of the war, the Confederates aren't exactly a great fighting force, and Sherman has the whole of the Western Union army under his command at the time. Hood being dramatically outgunned, but under fairly direct orders tries to engage Sherman before he makes it to the Confederacy's rail hub in Atlanta. It fails spectacularly and the Rebels lose 8,000 men, men who are completely irreplaceable at this point. Sherman laughs all the way to Atlanta.
Here we see a depiction of Hood's 46th 'Fightin Paunches'.
1934, America's most wanted man, John Dillinger, is shot by FBI agents as he left the Biograph Theater. Leaving the building he noted FBI agents waiting across the street for him and made a break for it. Unfortunately the Fed's were faster and shot him in the back as he tried to escape. Rather amusingly after death Dillinger gained some notoriety for the photos of his corpse which appeared to showcase him with an enormous 'dead man' erection.
Hot damn! Look at that enormous wang! Is what folks would say, if I wrote for them. in reality however it was quickly revealed that it was merely his arm after rigor mortis had set in, and that his wang was unremarkable...ly HUGE! No, sorry, that's a lie, just a regular...HORSE PENIS! No but seriously folks, John Dillinger looked like a tool and had a tiny penis...COMPARED TO THE PLANET EARTH!!! I better keep going...
1943, The allies role into Palermo! Patton rather enjoyed this stretch of the war, as after he landed he was placed in direct competition with General Montgomery of the British Army. The plan was to land on the South coast of Sicily, then Montgomery would drive North and capture Messina, whilst Patton would take the 'long' way by going West and then up and around capturing Palermo on the way. it certainly worked out for Patton though as somehow rather magically he still managed to beat Montgomery into Messina despite what would have a lengthy delay.
2003, you might remember this folks, the 101st Airborne division kills Saddam's sons Uday and Qusay. Apparently the 101st was simply cruising through town when an informant tipped them off to the location of the brothers. Dropping by for biscuits 200 troops began milling around outside, and it was only after one of the soldiers hot wired Uday's Lamborghini did they actually start shooting. Four hours later the four dudes inside the house (one of them was Qusay's 14 year old son Mustapha) were dead and full of bullets. That goes to show you that in the future, war movies about this will be extremely boring. Imagine just 200 guys all shooting at a building for four hours while jets fly by shooting vulcan cannons at it too. It kills dramatic tension when the underdogs use overwhelming force.
As for celebrations for today, let's see... we have
RATCATCHERS DAY!!! A celebration of the Pied Piper of Hamlin. Or rather a remembrance to pay of companies you owe money to or they'll take your children.
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