A Complete History of the World Part 2: Bronze Age Egypt 3100BC-1500BC

So, lets keep the ball rolling, and let me introduce you to the next phase in our history tour. I've chosen to do this by arrangement of periods, you see the prehistoric neolithic period, although long, was incredibly dull. Also since there were few written records and such it makes it difficult to keep everything in order. So since we've moved up to the Bronze Age we have a more clearly delineated historical time line, as such what I will do is move forward by epochs making a post about each culture (sometimes merging two or three smaller cultures into one post) then once we get to a period of actually recorded history we'll move forward by hundred year increments, following every civilization we can during a hundred year cycle, this means we should be done sometime around when you children's children die.

So Doc, what's on the menu today?



Alright, in about 3100 BC we see Egypt start to get its shit together, the Upper Nile looks at itself and says "Upper Nile River Valley, we can do better." so it promptly swallows itself in conflict and intermarriage until it is one unified group of cities, then turns its sights on the Southern Nile Valley. At this time Egypt was creating their early hieroglyphs, making the recording of history easier, and their art cooler. They also began settling colonies in lower Israel, arguably making them the first Imperialists.



So, who unified Egypt and created the first Dynastic period. well Technically speaking there is the possibility that a long lost King of Upper Egypt (you can identify them by their funny looking hats), the Scorpion King, began a conquest of Lower Egypt which was completed after he died.


By none other than the Pharaoh Narmer...who is a guy who they didn't make a movie about. Sorry Narmer. Narmer conquered the Southern Nile River Valley, or perhaps he didn't, maybe another Pharaoh named Menes did it and he was the immediate succesor, or heck, maybe the Scorpion King conquered Egypt and handed it off to Narmer...or maybe they are all the same god damned person! this is what happens when you don't have a well developed system of writing and enough stone tablets surviving posterity to go around. Also Egypt, stop naming your Kings four or five different things depending on where he happens to be standing at a given moment.


the one thing we can say is that he was buried at Abydos...Narmer that is...who may have been Menes...who also could have been the Scorpion King. Whatever.

Anyway, from here we have a few dynasties that see the development of Egyptian Civilzation coalescing into something worth looking at. That culminates in the first big period in Egyptian civilization the Old Kingdom, roughly 2686-2134 BC, here we have however a lineage of Pharaohs who were related to their forebears in the Early Dynastic period and also were in the same capital, Memphis...Tennessee. Sorry, that's a lie, it's just regular old Egyptian Memphis, which at the time was called Ineb Hedg, but that's a stupid name and Memphis makes me think of Powerslave, a video game from the mid nineties.


It was during this time that we see the Pharaoh Djoser (2630–2611 BC) of the third dynasty order a pyramid to be built in Saqqara in the necropolis of Memphis. This is the step pyramid you see on occasion, which looks a lot more like a mesoamerican pyramid, but hey, Egypt couldn't help it if ancient astronauts helped them out by using old plans. Now during the reign of Djoser we see Egypt launch a military campaign against the peoples of the Sinai peninsula in the East, subjugating them and then mining the area for tourqouise. In Egyptian mythology Ra the Sun God's son Horus usually represents the people of Egypt, and Seth an evil black God represents those peoples to the East of the Egyptian Empire. so many stories about Horus defeating Seth are actually analogies for the Egyptians beating on the people to the immediate East. Incidentally it was also Djosers Vizier, or Royal Advisor/Doctor/ Architect/ Scientist who would be responsible for the construction of the Step Pyramid, a Mr. Imhotep.


Imhotep was regarded as the worlds first recorded Engineer, Architect, and Physician...and the go to guy for evil mummies. Besides being a great architect responsible for Djosers pyramid, he also wrote one of the first medical books, which used reason over magical thought for cures. After his death a cult was formed around him and within 2,000 years he was deified outright. Even during the later Ptolemaic period his temples were still places of learning for budding doctors. In later centuries we all know however that he came back from the dead and harassed Rachel Weisz.



Now at the same time as all of that the Egyptians began their reverence of the Pharaoh as a living God who ensured the regular flooding of the Nile and also made sure the cyclical nature of time maintained its balance. Also during this period the Pharaoh began a practice of describing the Egyptian populace as the chosen people, selected as the only true humans on Earth, you know since everyone else worshiped Seth and was evil.

After Djoser and the Third dynasty passes we move to the Fourth Dynasty, the Golden age of Egyptian everything. When you think ancient Egypt, you are thinking of the Fourth Dynasty. This period lasted from the year 2575 to 2467 BC and saw some truly amazing work by the peoples of Egypt. This dynasty was founded by Sneferu, who reigned for 24 years. Sneferu was considered a beneficent ruler, partially because his name can mean 'To make things beautiful', and it was during his reign that the Egyptians started to really hit the nail on the head when it came to good pyramid construction. the guy was Pyramid and civic development crazy! this guy wasn't building any stepped pyramids either, he was making serious smooth sided pyramids, you know, the ones we allcare about. During this time Sneferu also invaded Nubia and Libya where he conquered the indigenous cultures there, and integrated them into the pre existing Egytpian work force.

Now we get to the big guy, the one we see all the time, Khufu, known in Greek as Cheops, as well as his son Djedefra then Khafra and his son Menkaura. These rulers built the Great Pyramids of Giza, lasting symbols of the power and might of the flowering Egyptian civilization. In later years it was widely believed that slave labor had produced these works (as credited in Exodus) however archeological evidence suggests that the work force was drawn from all across the Egyptian kingdoms and work was only done during the off season when regular agriculture wasn't manageable. evidence has shown that each Egyptian household was responsible for at least one laborer for the civic projects ordered at the time, though the wealthy could hire laborers to do the work for them.



After the grand Fourth dynasty we see the fifth and sixth dynasties declining towards the collapse of this early era. Dynasties came and went and the faith in the old Pharaohs was rocked when a terrible famine came and droughts blighted the Nile river. We enter the Intermediate Period a century of decline and war in the Egyptian Empire, from 2181 to 2055 BC. The Egyptian Empire splits between Herecleopolis in the South and Thebes in the North. Besides the famines and such, one of the problems that arose was that regions of Egypt were controlled by regional monarchs (called nomarchs), who handed down their titles in a standard hereditary model. these monarchs accumulated power, built monuments and raised armies in their name, eventually challenging the Pharaoh's authority.

In the South Libyan invaders rose to prominance, gaining a seat of power for over 500 years, defeating the Memphite rulers of Egypt and installing the 9th Dynasty. Meanwhile other invaders conquer Thebes and set up the 11th and 12th Dynasties, or at the very least make good their place for the future.

After the conflicts ended in these two different power centers we enter the Middle Kingdom, wherein the 11th Dynasty, the Thebens conquer the Herecleoptian cities and reunite Egypt. Mentuhotep II ruler of the eleventh dynasty invaded Palestine and Nubia during this period, after conquering the Southern Kings. He also gave control of civil matters over to a Vizier instead of handling them himself.



At the end of the 11th dynasty we see a smooth transition to the 12th, because it is widely believed that when Mentuhotep IV passed away and the reigns of power went to the already qualified and well positioned Vizier Amenemhat.



The new Pharaoh curtailed the monarchs, put down rebellion and kept the reigns of power by offering a second in line position to a trusted adviser. He was then promptly killed by one of his bodyguards.


Sensuret I takes over, hands off leadership to Sensuret II, who uses diplomacy to form trade agreements with Nubia and Palestine. Sensuret III however looks at his dads works and says "Fuck that shit!" and invades Nubia, leading the army personally. He builds forts along the Egyptian borders and generally makes a nuisance of himself. when he dies his son Amenemhat III steps in and does such a solid job of leading the Egyptians that he is deified in later years. You know you're doing alright when you become a God for your efforts. He also allowed Asiatic peoples to live in Egypt under the promise that they would help him build shit.

Then comes the 13th and 14th dynasties, which sucked and caused the second intermediate period. You remember that period, that shitty time where the country split in two? Well it happens again. At this time a group called the Hyksos invade Egypt and formally conquer it, which runs from the 15th to 18th dynasties, ending sometime around 1570 BC. the Hyksos were a group of Asiatic peoples from East of the Nile delta, who arrived in the region with many important technological advances, the composite bow (sturdy and accurate) and the horse drawn chariot.



I think we'll take a break there, before we reach the New Kingdom, where more crazy hieroglyphic shit happens. so tune in later for more...of this...you know, everything that ever happened anywhere.