1146, Bernard of Clairveaux, noted speechifier and monk gave stirring oration that started the Second Crusade. So moved by the oration that Christ needed to be put in the hearts of the Muslims, via pointed swords, King Louis VII decides to join.
1492, Spain enacts the Alhambra Decree, stating in not too subtle terms that if you are Jewish you would need to observe this simple mathematical equation...
Jew+ Catholic Conversion= Alive
Jew+ Keepin' the Faith= Dead or mailed to a new country in air tight casks
1854, Commodore Matthew Perry signs the Kanegawa Treaty, opening two Japanese ports to the world. Japan is sad.
1903, Richard Pearse flies a heavier than air craft (ergo airplane) nine months before douche twins the Wright brothers do. Richard Pearse is your new God.
1933, FDR institutes the Civilian Conservation Corps, otherwise known as "The group of guys who built every damned thing in this country". Just try driving North to San Francisco and see how many CCC bridges you had to cross to get there.
1942, The Imperial Japanese Army invades the Christmas Islands, Santa Clause is brutally murdered in Bhutan 6 months later.
1968, LBJ, satisfied with his work says he will not run for re-election, Nixon gets out the "party whiskey".
1985, the first wrestlemania takes place, Western Civilization begins its decline.
1995, The critical event of "Selena, the Movie" is reenacted with actual people bearing names of the characters from the film years before the film is made. Selana promptly marries Tupac, they live in a long house on Atlantis with Biggie and the Lindburgh baby.
2004, 4 Blackwater employees are burned alive, decapitated, and have their hearts removed in Fallujah Iraq. America keeps is told to grab its liberty rosary and repeat twelve 9/11's, 4 Homeland Security EULA's and an oath to President for good measure.
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