History! Jesus there's a lot on March 12th!

Good Christ, who knew that some days in history would hold so much signifgance! Yesterday, being the anniversary of the beginning of the Flagstaff War and all, well that was like the most interesting thing to happen that day, but today, geez!



On March 12, 538 AD, Belisarius (famed general of the Byzantine Empire, last of the true Romans) succesfully takes Rome after an extended siege. Belisarius was the single best general the Byzantines had and was pivotal in executing Justinian's plan to retake the former territories of the Roman Empire. It didn't happen, but Belisarius was cool.



in 1622 Ignatius of Loyola founds the Jesuits! This dude gets a sainthood as a result. the rest of the world gets an easily recognizable bad guy for any movie that predates Nazi's or America. Technically speaking Jesuits weren't all that terrible, unless you went to Japan where they lorded over trade and human life like kings.



1894, a personal favorite event, in Vicksburg Coca Cola starts manufacturing glass bottles for its delicious cocaine drink. This was the single best move for Coca cola ever, nothing is more refreshing than a glass bottle coke, made with real sugar, chilled to 34 degrees.



In 1918 those commie pinko bastards in Russia moved the capital from St. Petersburg to Moscow, hey jerks! The Romanov's preferred St. Petersburg, say hi to your mother for me.



1930, motherfuckin' Gandhi does his march to the sea to protest the British monopoly on salt. On the way he eats twenty Big Mac's then buys a suit from Armani*.



1933, first fireside chat from FDR, he discusses important things rlating to the country, primarily about shanty towns, hobo beans and the nine ways to boil a cat for nutrition.



Does history ever stop marching?



NO! Fuck you!



1938 Austria gets annexed by Germany, guess what Poland, you're next! As for Great Britain and France, they don't have to worry because the guy who wrote Mein Kampf only wants some Liebenstrom, which is obviously smaller than all of Europe right?



The Truman Doctrine is announced in 1947, we are now poised to show Communism we aren't soft on them, lets keep 'em out of everywhere we find 'em! America!



That's about it, but lord, look at that history back there, just all piled up on the 12th. Also today we have a very special fictional birthday...


Rorschach!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY YOU NUT!

*This probably didn't happen, but we don't have the time machine to prove it.