I would be lying if I said this wasn't HISTORY! 4/6/09

Fuckin' hell, I got a new phone and now I feel compelled to review the times before the "phone" tax was in place. The "phone" tax being the ridiculous amount of money you need to spend to have a phone, but since it is necessary to function in modern society it is not much more than a tax on living. Also I had a cutie, they are either tangerines or some other bizarre genetic mutation of a once normal plant. I had two last week and they were like delicious little oranges, I found two in the office today and discovered that they were like monkey shit and artificial flavoring combined. Fuck you store bought cutie, I need to find the source of last weeks edible fruits.

46 BC, Caesar kicks Scipio and Cato in the face at the battle of Thespus, Scipio and Cato being rivals of Caesar, in the times when Caesar wasn't "lord of everything" and was just "Julius the Politician". there is a strong possibility handling political rivals in this manner is what led to the stabbing a little while later.


1199, Famed "Super Cunt" Richard the Lionheart, dies from an infected arrow wound. You may remember Richard from the third crusade, or that time he was kidnapped, or heck here's one, he was the "Good" King at the end of any story you've seen about Robin Hood. In reality he hated England, was terribly French and had a terrible attitude towards anyone on the wrong side of his sword, thus he was the perfect crusader.

1327, Petrarch sees Laura for the first time and falls in love. Laura is married to a count and so understandably says "No thanks" to Petrarch, who then spends a significant portion of his life writing poems about her, but rather than persuasive poems these are fancy poems that only seek to illuminate the reader to the beauty of Laura. Moral of the story: in the renaissance, when your famous, you may still never get the girl. I'm lookin' at you too Dante.
































What's that? You would like a Revolution? Alright, on this day in 1793 the Committee of Public Safety becomes the executive body of the Republic of France, which means today begins...THE TERROR!




You can find more at http://www.harkavagrant.com/index.php

Anyway, 1814, Napoleon abdicates and goes straight to Elba, where he dies from stomach problems. More than likely the stomach problems were the result of eating the shitty food available to him on campaign.

1862, The bloody battle of Shiloh begins between Confederate general Albert "Not Ulysses S. Grant" Johnston and Ulysses S."Don't Fuck With Me" Grant.




1895, Oscar Wilde (Noted Playwright and Man About Town) is arrested outside a hotel, he had just lost his libel case against the 9th Marquess of Queensberry. This is a sad turn of affairs for our first Alien playwright (see Velvet Goldmine).


1917, Woodrow "Ku Klux Klan" Wilson gets his wish and we enter into war with Imperial Germany. Wilson immediately begins setting aside his favorite suits for the eventual peace treaty conferences, he is quoted as saying "It will be great, I'll make sure everyone walks away happy and no one is saddled with all the war debts!"


1984, Cameroon's Republican Guard try to overthrow the government, it is widely suspected they stumbled upon a TV with the power to see the future and witnessed this!




Anything after that day is being saved for next year...oh yeah, and if you don't get the above joke might I recommend Rupaul's Drag Race.