We're going back! To the past? History! 4/3/09?

That's right, because blogs are about demands, as has been explained to me by one of my readers I am now forcefully (lest a petition be created) required to give you "This Day In History!" for April 3rd (the cads birthday!). Naturally you may wonder why we are doing this on April 8th, and the answer is...I don't know, this is just dumb. So on to the incongruous past!

1043, APRIL 3RD! Edward the Confessor is crowned King of England, he is the next to last Saxon King of England. Amusingly he died in 1066, the same year the Normans invaded and conquered the country, but that failure was King Godwinson's fault.

1865, Jesus that's quite the jump, but it's still in the PAST BECAUSE IT DID NOT HAPPEN TODAY, IT HAPPENED ON THE THIRD! Anyway, Richmond is captured by the Union army. Yay!

1882, Jesse James is killed by the coward Robert Ford. Ford becomes famous by depicting his attack on the outlaw, until depressed and alone he is shot in the throat with a shotgun by a drunk. EVERYBODY WINS!

1917, NOT TODAY, A FEW DAYS AGO! Vladimir Lenin arrives in Russia after an extended exile. This marks the beginning of the Bolshevik control over the Russian Revolution. The rule of thumb is that if you have a local Lenin and he's not allowed into the country or town...DON'T LET HIM BACK IN! UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES!

1922, Fuck all, Stalin becomes the first General Secretary of the Communist Party of the Soviet Union. shortly after this Trotsky gets the fuck out of Dodge, you know, right after he sees that they've been editing him out of photos.

1968, Martin Luther King Jr. gives his "I've been to the mountaintop" speech, he is assassinated the next day. There is nothing funny about this.

1969, We pledge to begin "Vietnamizing" the conflict in Vietnam, namely putting the responsibility of fighting on the South Vietnamese themselves, giving them weapons and training for the task. Naturally this totally works and we win Vietnam.



1982, the United Kingdom sends a naval task force to get the Falkland Islands back. The British probably flipped a coin on whether they would send a bunch of wooden ships to handle the Argentinians or an actual fleet.

1996, Ted "Cool Professor From Berkeley" Kacynzki, Kazinski, Karamazov...whatever, is arrested in his little shack in Montana. This is what happens to people who teach at Berkeley, you've been warned America.

So that's that, this is all the remotely interesting crap that happened on April 3rd. I hope you jackals are happy. BECAUSE IT IS THE 8TH!!!