Stuff I Find to Eat...II

So I suppose since I earlier suggested that whenever I find things to eat at work I should list it i guess I should explain what I found today.

Whilst cruising round the western tributaries of the office I happened upon an interesting collection of tin foil wrapped sundries. One appeared to be small cookies, roughly the diameter of a nickel, and writ above them an undecipherable foreign language. Deeming the writing to be Middle Eastern in origin I happily opened the lift to the tin foil container, reading the words in English further down the package "Rice Cookies". Plucking one from its nest I ate it whole, hoping to be surprised, but unfortunately the cookie was unsatisfactory. It exploded into dust in my mouth, and was sugary in a bad way. I set my eyes upon the next container, labeled in farmers English "Baklava", I was enthused as i had never had baklava before and it looked decidedly edible. Opening the lid I took the tiniest of pieces, not wanting to disturb the overall ambiance of the display, nor arose suspicion if the previous owner had measured the dimensions of their pastry. Placing the small bit in my mouth I discovered that it was quite delicious, but also that since its packaging suggested an Eastern European version of Sam's Club as its original home, then real fresh baklava must be even better.

Swinging back around to the East side of the office I happened across a half eaten chocolate cake, as well as an enormous bag of off-off brand tortilla chips. I decided to grab three chips and return later for cake. Leaving the area I happened across a bag of chocolate gold coins, taking one from the twenty or so in the bag I finished my patrol. With the main part of my evening complete I returned to the cake and took a small piece for myself. At my desk i sat to eat it, pleased that I hadn't had to rummage through garbage to get any food, but disappointed that everything was a 10 on the sweet scale. Unfortunately the cake was poorly made and used almond oil. This is the bane of my pastry world, it's often found in cheaply made cakes and buns at places like Albertson's and Safeway, the flavor created by almond oil, or almond extract as it is sometimes referred to on the labeling is one akin to 'artificial cherry'. Now if you have known me for upwards of ten minutes then you have probably heard me decry the evils of cherry. Cherries are the devil, when you put them in your mouth you are making a contract with Satan to buy a timeshare in Tobago. Don't fuckin' do it.

This meant that the cake was by and large rather disgusting, with its god damned artificial flavors, what happened America, is real chocolate in my cake to good for you. The cake is a lie.