Why I Am Dumb

There are quite a few reasons I am dumb, my rudimentary math skills are certainly a strong sign. Then of course there's the unbelievable notion that more than four or five people come here in a given week, one of them is usually me might I add. However these reasons aren't completely satisfactory for my description of myself as being dumb.

I rarely visit ebay, usually I cross paths with it when I have a need unfulfillable by regular businesses. This equates to me walking away from the standard economy of big box stores, past the home town economy of Mom and Pop shops, and straight into the shadow economy of guys with neck beards and cheetoh stained fingers, living in lightless caverns selling rare trinkets. About 90% of the time things work out, I make a deal with the pasty Deep Ones and go about my business, but every once and again I make some foolish discovery and then through a series of idiotic decisions I end up in a world of hurt.

So, in the past few weeks I have been analyzing my need to adventure and cut a figure again. Which then leads me to wonder what I don't have, that I have wanted in the past, but previously been without the means to acquire. In this case, I have been reading The Lost City of Z, the story of intrepid explorer Percy Fawcett and his quest to find a lost city in the Amazon. Naturally he dies and no one sees him again, but the mystique and intrigue around him is tangible and potent on certain weak minds. In the book there are a handful of pictures of Fawcett, and although in my own anachronistic nature I have steadily come into the possession of plenty of interesting articles of clothing, one which has eluded me, Jodhpurs, otherwise known as riding breeches. You still probably have no clue what these are, so I'll further the description, they are those riding pants which flare at the thigh and tie at the knee, creating something of a puffy side.

I decided to head to ebay to look for some antique breeches, as modern riding breeches are merely tight white pants. Well, much to my surprise, and future chagrin, I found two pairs. The first pair is made entirely of wool, unlined, light green in color, it's from early 1918, and belonged to a poor enlisted American officer. The second pair, from the same dealer, are made of a more traditional and vastly less itchy material, and are from 1927, also U.S. Military in nature. Both in fine condition. The dealer also had a woolen sleeping bag from World War II, which I decided would do well in the back of any future automobile I had, because you never know where you may have to lay your head when adventure calls you.

So, based on previous experiences on ebay I assumed that all of these items would soon be on the block and skyrocketing in price. so i placed a single bet on each, with the intention of maybe only actively focusing on one, but leaving it open to snatch another should my main attention get to far ahead. Well damnation, no one has bid but me, or rather the one person who bid, bid a dollar more and gave up, not even making it close to my upper limit on the item. So now, with less than 23 hours to go i am winning all three items, when I really only intended on getting 1. Now I could simply buy the one I actually wanted and leave the rest unpaid for, but that's bad eggs isn't it? I don't want to get on Lady ebays bad side, she's probably where I will be getting my next car from.

Now I will also add a little addendum, riding breeches only come to the knees, and I have no knee boots (decidedly more expensive than breeches), so in the end to actually wear them I will have to find a low price pair of knee high boots, which will then open another line of reasoning...black boots or brown? If black won't i look quite a bit like a Nazi? But I would assume it would be easier to find black. Oh well, this is all in the future and who knows, maybe you've always wanted a pair of riding breeches and now I've informed you and you can save my bacon.